"Maybe this is the month, maybe we finally did it. "
Over and over this thought rolled through my mind, and over and over that second line never came. I remember feeling like a failure, as though my job as a woman was something I would never fulfill. I have an infertility story, it's my own and quite frankly it is and always will be near to my heart. But this, this one is for you...
To the woman claiming "if it happens, it happens" & still wondering month after month why NOTHING is happening. To the woman downloading the fertility apps, counting the days, entering data and spending each morning taking her temperature. To the woman fielding the "so when will you two be having a baby" question at every family, friend and even work function, over and over. To the woman at yet another baby shower... one that still is not her own. To the woman in the stirrups, hoping this appointment will finally bring answers. To the woman dragging through yet another long long two week wait.
To the woman (and the man) waiting on two pink lines,
Constantly you will hear "oh it will happen when it's meant to". & though this may be true, this does not change the daily heartache, this does not change the challenge, this does not change the hardship that is infertility. I read once that "An intense desire for something, coupled with the inability to fulfill that desire is life's most PAINFUL combination". Hammer, meet nail. Waking up with a daily hunger for something you have very little control over is not for the faint of heart. Spending day after day dealing with a pain that is often inexplicable, is not for the weak. You can do this. You are a warrior. Each day is an uphill battle, to keep your head on straight, to keep your cool, to keep your faith. Faith is a fickle friend, it is tough to rely on - and tougher to live without. So though you may not feel like it, you my friend are a tough cookie.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that say's I'll try again tomorrow". -Mary Ann Radmacher
So if you need a should to cry on, a hand to hold, someone to complain to.. I'm here, & I have wine.
XOXO
-
Mama Bair
Comments